Ness' bit of everything

Hello, it’s been a while.

A lot has been happening over the last few months but unfortunately none of this was inspiring or motivating me to write a blog post.

I hit 26 two weeks ago and to mark this I thought I’d put down in words my 25th year on this earth. As it has been a hell of a ride.

Raising a puppy

Lola has turned 1 this week. Meaning that this year Alex and I have raised a puppy. The first month was very difficult. I can’t stress enough how hard toilet training a puppy is in a flat on the second floor. The amount of trips down those stairs everyday were keeping me fit. But through persistence, we have a toilet trained (with not many mishaps), well behaved (when she wants to be) and loving dog.

Richardson Wedding

Last May, I saw one of my best and oldest friends get married. It was such a beautiful day and I am so glad I was there to celebrate with the happy couple.

Trips

There has been a hand full of trips since travelling. Several trips to the Lake District, Wales, Filey and a mini ski break. All have been low key and apart from skiing, dog friendly.  All of which have been filled with family, walks, great food and plenty of fresh air. All amazing for the soul.

Work life

I struggled with adjusting back to work life after travelling. This was a compound of things, that didn’t end up with a pleasant result. Adjusting back to work was always going to be difficult – with having little rules for a long time and then changing back to routine, responsibly and most of all a change of mind set with questioning purposes and thoughts running wild.

I was faced with a change – no job role and no real direction. I felt utterly lost. I felt like I was floating around aimlessly for around 5 months. I managed to find work within my team – asking around for work and helping where I could. However, I had no guidelines or clear path for what I was doing or meant to be doing. I gained a new team leader in the November of 2018 and things looked up. I managed, using my employment to get on to CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) programme, working through some of the anxiety and low moods I was experiencing.

Looking back, I can talk about this, but at the time this felt so silly why I was feeling this way. ‘You’ve been away travelling how can you feel down?’ ‘You’ve had this opportunity why do you feel bad?’ ‘It’ll take time time to adjust…’ ‘You should be settled back in by now, surely?’ All these comments were said to me or I said to myself.

I realised now I did not deal with the change very well, of course work was going to change, I just didn’t react well to the uncertainty and feeling lost.

Now, there have been other opportunities within my team and I have managed to find purpose again at work and found a sense of belonging once again. I still feel a very different person to before I went travelling, less confident, warier and more on edge. However, I have learnt a lot about myself and hopefully if I was to feel that bad again, I’d like to think I could get out of it a lot quicker.

Birthday reflection

My birthday last year was far from this one. Alex and myself were in Australia and severely struggling with each other. We had lost all patience and kindness for each other when we were travelling. This got quite ugly and I spent my birthday alone and not in a great place mentally. After Australia, we decided to go our separate ways (geographically) to see if this would help us have some time away from been under each other’s feet 24/7. We departed Sydney, myself back home and Alex went back to Bali.

We had 3 weeks apart and it was tough. Alex then flew home as we had already a trip booked to the West Coast of America. I was understandable nervous about this next part of our adventure. However, the trip was more of a success. We had missed each other, we started to be kinder again and patient. We have carried on growing since then and the contrast between my birthday this year and the one last isn’t even a fair comparison.

To conclude

I am hoping to go into my 27th year calmly and maintaining a level of stillness. My ambition, is that the year trundles on at a constant pace with no crazy peaks and troughs.  I don’t know what the year will hold but I can only deal with it in the best way I can!

Ness x